Life`s little mysteries...help!

I`ve just opened a drawer and found that mystery pound coin again. The one my friends discovered down the back seat of my car on the way home from the pub. It caused much hilarity and debate, in the car, and later on Twitter. I mean...look at it.

Someone who *is* Roy, or knows him, has put his name on a pound coin. Maybe in a pub game or draw or something? Anyway, that mystery remains.So then...how did it get in my car? I know only one Roy, and he`s certainly never been near my car...especially its back seat. But I couldn`t bring myself to spend the damn thing until I`d solved the mystery.

Maybe you can.

And so while you`re at it, and as you`re probably brighter than me , I`d love it if you could also throw some light on other apparently simple things...that I just don`t get.

1) Men who strim every sodding tree; every week. Let it grow. Or help me patent a device that plays nice funky tunes instead of the motor noise, so that I can dance while you strim.

2) People who really dawdle when they`re approaching a red traffic light (and hold everyone up.....) because they can`t be arsed to change down through the gears and put the handbrake on.

3) Motorists who drive round multi-storey carparks with their ticket in their mouth.

4) People who get their tiny baby`s ears pierced.

5) Hotels which don`t have power points near the bed to recharge your morning- alarmed phone. Now I`ve got to pad across the room when it rings, see?

6) Postmen who are still driving round in Salford Van Hire vehicles instead of Royal Mail red ones. What`s going on?

7) Weight. How come it goes on so much faster than it ever comes off.

8) People who aren`t on the transplant register. It ain`t gonna hurt you. But it could save lives.

9) Drivers who don`t put their lights on at dusk and dawn. The meter won`t run out, you know.

10) People who say: "Is it cold...or is it me..?"  If you`re cold, you`re cold.


Help me with any of that? Or...what`s puzzling you today? Please unfurrow my brow, because I can`t afford Botox and wouldn`t do that anyway. (OK: 11) People who do Botox

Happy Monday!! :)

Running at Christmas? Are you MAD?

(Did you find this on Twitter? Pls RT for me? Go on...I`m always RT`ing your stuff ;)  )




And so this is Christmas. It`s ok to eat and drink more. Add a few pounds. Skip the morning run.

That was my thinking, as I lay all cosy in bed this morning. Until I sorted myself out. I know--there`s nothing like a self righteous ex smoker to bore the pants off you, banging on about the benefits.Or a `fitness freak` trying to force you into a 5K. (A whaaat?)

I`ve never been a regular smoker (apart from the school- uniformed, More Menthol phase in the forest* ) so I can`t tell you how good it is to stop. But I have felt like a lardarse, and I don`t want that feeling ever again.

`All` you have to do, they say, is to eat less, and move more. If I`m in the right zone...I can train my brain to want less food. Way less. `Moving more` can be a challenge though, especially in the winter.

You need to want to do it. The duvet dreaming was fabulous. But it gave me time to realise I hadn`t done any useful exercise for days. These were my....

....ten good reasons not to run today:

1) It`s effing cold and windy out there.
2) You know you can`t run with the wind against you.
3) You`re a bloody crap runner.
4) You might die of a heart attack and plop into the swollen Severn.
5) No one will actually know whether you go running or not anyway.
6) It`s two days before Christmas. There`s stuff to do.
7) You can just eat fruit today.
8) You might twist your ankle and not be able to dance at the party, or even just pose in heels. 
9) Just swim more. You like swimming.
10) It`s so cosy here.

I fessed up on Twitter. And there was beautiful Annie (@mossofbath)...saying she`d just got back in from her run. ( A proper one.She`s well fit. Really.)

That was enough. I got dressed, tooled up with trainers, ipod belt, pink running jacket, shades and gloves..and hit the road. Randomly, ELO`s Hold on Tight blasted through my (furry, gorgeous) headphone speakers by way of a starting pistol, and I was off.

False start. Too fast. Here`s the thing, you see. I`m actually the world`s worst runner.Yes I DO get out on my #morningmile as often as I can. But then I stop and start, miss a couple of days, get out of puff, get distracted, give up, walk a bit, take a picture or two, chat to the neighbours, and realise I`m not really building up my mileometer at all.

So, I`ve decided that has to change. I need to be able to get out there and run for five miles, more, eventually, without stopping, and while sustaining a steady breathing pace. But it`s not going to happen without a bit more effort and self belief. So I stopped on the bridge over the flooded River Severn, took a picture for the hell of it, and carried on running. And told myself this stuff. So it`s to remind me, really. But if it helps you too, or even makes you scoff with derision, that`s OK, because I did it anyway.

Note to self: Ten damn good reasons why you need to run today:

1) It`s cold out, so you won`t get hot and sweaty.
2) You`ll feel fantastic when you get home.
3) Someone might have washed up while you`re out.
4) You can listen to loud music that no one else in the house will like (see above); sing it, loudly even, and nobody will complain.
5) You promised yourself when you were going for radiotherapy at lunchtime every day for three weeks, and saw a lady running along the Welshpool Road, that when it was all over, you`d do that too, to celebrate being well. She`s still running. C`mon. You promised .
6) Instead of finding excuses, think of the thousands who`d love to be `able` enough to wear trainers and use their legs.You`re bloody lucky. Get the hell out there.
7) Yes it`s only two days till Christmas, but you`re actually ready for it. Jamie (@jamierothwell on Twitter) says he`s *going postal* in Asda. You don`t have to.
8) The dress is size 12.  
9) You`re not going to die young like mum.You`re going to stick around, remember?
10) Yeh, it`s tough running against the wind. Hard and tough. But then you turn round , and the wind carries you home. You`ll feel it in the small of your back, giving you a gentle push, like a running mate.
11) `Shuffle` might land on `Rock Me Gently` by Andy Kim. You like that one.
12) Exercise boosts mental agility. You could learn to count.

OK...over to you. I`m serious. Running tips welcome!

(Oh and PS: That thing about smoking Menthol More in the woods, during double tennis? Scroll down and read `Teach Your Children Well....` Go on, please. I risked a bloody detention for that. Every bloody week, actually.)