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I'm Jane McIntyre, a voiceover and writer, formerly an award-winning BBC radio newsreader and producer. My blog covers life, love and loss; travel, coffee and chocolate; with some heartfelt pieces in the mix about my late dad, who had dementia. Just a click away, I'm half of the team behind - two empty nesters who whizzed round the world in 57 days.

Monday, 5 November 2012

Ain`t too proud to blog...(sweet darrrlin..)

......or something like that. Just one of the temptations to get me on to the dance floor on Saturday night. There were so many amazing tunes at the soul event in Stone, that  I boogied pretty much from start to finish. That`s three or four hours..sheesh...I could probably run a marathon if they played Motown all the way through.

To be frank...I`d necked enough Pinot and champagne to get me more than merry. A little sharpener or two in my boudoir before the event. A couple at the bar. A few more along the way. You know how it goes. I could hear the alarm bells. Still popped a couple of things on Twitter. As you do. That led to slightly louder alarm bells and a frantic message from my sixteen year old daughter: `MUM.GET OFF TWITTER`. ( I didn`t. I never listen.)

Another big *stop drinking now* klaxon sounded as I realised that the previously unchallenging two flights of stairs up from the ladies had turned into the kind of vertical ladder you see on a galleon,up to the crow`s nest. In a force nine gale. Boy did I grip that banister. Yet..when I was back on the dancefloor; all seemed steady enough. I probably listed to starboard a couple of times but that was just me throwing shapes, right?

Y`see... although I talk and tweet a fair bit about a lovely bottle of white at the weekend, it rarely happens. Often because I`m on taxi duty. So I don`t drink from one month to the next ( REALLY!) So when I seems to take quite a hold on me. I recovered (for most of Sunday) I mused on previous drunken nights. Like this one, a New Year`s Eve party  involving not only wine....but wild dancing, lovely friends, and chocolate. In a beautiful marquee up the lane.

You have to get the tent pegs in tight, don`t you? I know this; because at the post party coffee and brandy session round ours at about 3 am, I realised to my complete horror that I`d left several untouched chocolate puddings on a table in the tent. It was dark. And snowy.The lane was full of potholes. And my skirt was tight and my high heels high. But, like I said, it was chocolate. So I walked--kind of sideways--down the lane, to find the marquee securely zipped up for the night. Like a canvas Fort Knox.There was only one thing for it. I burrowed under the bottom of the tent, and slithered in,like a commando. Not *commando*, you understand, but like one. Covered in mud (it had been a long night, and I was past caring...) I just managed to stand in my heels and locate my chocolate roulade and a banoffee pie. Now. How to get them back out of the marquee....and home (in heels).

I checked (and confirmed) they were still good enough to eat; passed them under the gap I`d curved into the canvas until they rested on a low shelf of snow outside,then followed them through. This had taken about forty minutes. It was another fifteen or so, after several newborn Bambi like attempts before I was standing upright, in the snowy field, in heels, with a plate in each hand--not caring a jot about my clothes or shoes, but desperately trying to keep the chocolate on the china.

I staggered back down the lane, and with mud smeared hands and face, (Commando like, see?)..I held my trophies aloft to my they climbed;waving maniacally at me, coffee all quaffed....into their three, home-bound taxis. They were pretty wasted; but believe me, the puddings weren`t.

The field where the marquees used to be has been turned into a lovely house now, for the same neighbour, so no more parties there. But plenty of memories.And knowing your limits? Nah...nothing learned about that, whatsoever.

 Reminded me of a recent wedding reception I attended and subsequent zombie impression walking home.. Marvellous.

 Welcome. Always an enjoyable read!

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  1. Ain't no toilet high enough...ain't no marquee low enough...ain't no weather cold enough....

  2. Love this two part story , love all your stories . The first part , Saturday night at Stone . mmmm !! I was at an event in Stone that same Sat eve also . I wonder if it was the same one ??? I was told by a very pretty young lady that we were married . I would like to think she was stone cold sober to say a thing like that to an old duffer like me ,, but i fear she was a tad intoxicated !but i still dream of the incedent! :-)! And the second tale ,, conjours up an immage !! What a fantastic idea for a film !!! " Carry On Commando" . My strangest involvement , if that is the right word ,with alcohol, was in 1990 , Romania , I had driven a 44 ton artic laden with aid for varios projects after the collapse of comunism .I went to a reception in a village called Bata where i was introduced to Slivovitz !! its a very tasty home made plum brandy ,, i happened to be sat next to the local "bobby" ,, who took great delight in trying to keep me topped up with this very tasty pink wine stuff !!!I was a bit cautious as i had a 40 foot articulated truck parked outside that i had to get back to Arad , some 40 miles away that night . He then produced a breathaliser ,, a glass phial that he cracked the end of in his teeth and spat the broken glass out on the floor , i had no chioce but to blow in to his glass tube contaning chrystals !! if the go red i was in trouble ,, but they went green ,, an almighty cheer went up ,, and we celebrated with more of this lovelly smooth drink that was getting better by the mouthfull ,, after another couple of hours on this stuff i had to go ,, how i got back to Arad , i still do not know to this day ,,, but next day ?? WOW !! I have never in all my life experienced a hangover like it ,,,, and i do not suffer with hangovers ,, i honestly thought i was going to die !! It was a beautifull drink ,, but heavens above !!! next day !!! So Jane ,,, you are not alone !! Right ,,, back to my bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon !! cheers ,, we dont learn do we ??

    1. Haa.. OT what a fab story...and no, we don`t learn, and it`s probably too late now to worry about it !! Thanks for dropping by x